Someone to Talk To:  The Role of Pets in the Lives of Children

Susann McDonald

Those of us who love our pets are usually persuaded that they play an important part in our lives; yet it is difficult to explain precisely why. The response of elderly people to therapy animals is well documented, but little is known about the role of pets in the lives of children. 

People often remember special childhood pets as being family members equivalent in some ways to siblings. There is, however, an ineffable difference. Vicky Markstein asked me to write an article about children and cats for the catalogue for the International Cat Show in March, 1991. I was teaching at TSTC, so I asked my colleagues in the English department to ask their composition students to write about their present attitudes toward pets, cats in particular, and to recount their most vivid childhood memories of their favorite pet. We gave no other directions with the exception of a request to quote them.

The following is a summary of the article I wrote for the INCATS show. Most of the findings about cats and children also apply to any beloved pet.

 Seventy-nine responses revealed that while our students usually adopted their parent’s attitudes toward pets, they valued and remembered their special pets primarily as companions. They tended to praise dogs for being playful or as fun, and they described their cats as understanding confidants. Having a cat to talk to seemed to help them develop self-awareness and learn to empathize with others.

Most of the parents whom I also questioned justified adopting a pet with the belief that caring for a pet would foster a sense of responsibility and teach their children to care for others. It seems that they were half right. Our student’s attitudes towards animals were more strongly influenced by observing their parents’ behavior than by having been assigned responsibility for a pet. Sadly, these included disgust at and fear of animals. Nevertheless, parents who want to teach their children to take responsibility and to care for others are probably on the right track when they adopt pets into the family. Teaching the children to be careful not to hurt a pet, providing healthy food and comfortable shelter demonstrate respect for the rights of others. Children mirror their parents' behavior.

On the other hand, when parents allow children to be rough with a pet or to neglect its basic needs or to be cruel, children learn uncaring behavior. When our respondents described their parents’ responding to animals with fear or disgust, they internalized the attitudes demonstrated by their parents and saw no reason not to neglect or abuse animals. Since children may not always distinguish between the status of animals and other members of a family, these attitudes can affect the way children learn to treat other people as well as animals.

Fortunately, most of our students recalled loving relationships with their pets. More than half or our respondents who remembered having a cat as a childhood pet said that the cat provided special love or comfort when they were ill or sad. Several of the most vivid childhood memories were of favorite cats who remained in bed with the children when they were sick. One student said that when he felt depressed, a cat provided "something  cute and cuddly since it seemed to understand." One young woman said "All my life it always made me feel better if my cat was there to talk to."

It appears that, to a child, the greatest benefit of having a special cat, and the one most often mentioned in the essays, was having a loving companion to talk to. One young man, who never owned a cat, remembered an empathetic cat this way:  "I was once sitting in my yard thinking about my problems and my neighbor's cat came up and started meowing and rubbing my leg. Before I knew it I was playing with the cat and forgot about my problems."

Several students remembered their cats as having "seemed to understand and being non-judgmental." Not only do purring cats express love and comfort, cats are especially good listeners as growing children develop their self-concepts. When parents fail to meet the needs of their children, as good parents inevitably do on occasion, cats can sometimes compensate and help to heal a bruised self image as another young man's memory demonstrates:  "Whenever my dad gets mad at me, my cat Rusty is always there to comfort me."

Several students expressed very specific appreciation of their cats for "not talking back." It seemed that a loving, understanding, but quiet listener helped the children to develop their own personalities and to discover their own inner strength. For example, one young woman described a childhood dream in which her cat served as a guide. The cat in her dream seemed to symbolize the kind of quiet, inner wisdom that can be achieved only by self reflection:  "He assisted me on a very strange adventure or trip. I mostly remember conversing with him while walking down a path in a forest."  The quiet, affectionate cat who listens to us in our reflective moods easily becomes a symbol of our true selves. The independent, but loving companion is an appropriate representation of inner serenity and wisdom.

In their own quiet way, cats also teach children about reciprocal love. One of our most important learning experiences is the realization that others have feelings similar to our own. The purr of a cat is tangible evidence of its subjective feelings. A child's discovery that a cat purrs in response to affection is a lesson in empathy.

Clearly, parents are the most important influence in a child's development, but a cat or any other loving pet can be a companion who provides extra love and reassurance, helps build self awareness and esteem, teaches empathy, and helps children discover their inner serenity.